never learn

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I miss you, I do.

But I hate you at the same time.

I hate myself missing you even more.

Not the first time suffering from such pain.   Do you know how terrible I felt when you told me you are involved with other women.  Can’t give any commitments.  It was a beautiful day, sun after raining but I felt cold and lonely.

Who told me we are lovers?!

When will I learn from the past?  When will I get smarter?  When can I let you go?

Am I blind?  Am I love being tortured?

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Pooh’s philosophy

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Who loves this poster as much as me?

I love it not only because Pooh is there, not only because they are on the beach, not only because the sunshine, it’s because Pooh’s philosophy.

“Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing.”  When was last time you did nothing?  Could you share how you feel?

Actually, doing nothing is doing something.  It’s meaningful, it’s necessary.

Love you Pooh.

Holiday starts

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You said will have holiday with me.  So I didn’t plan anything till you said you couldn’t make it with me three weeks ago.  I was mad and feeling hurt.

Was thinking to have a short trip myself but I was not in a mood and I don’t have much money.  Better save money for a longer trip later.  So…….. lazy me have planned nothing and decided to have a “flexible” holiday home.

Had spent the first day with parents though an afternoon and early happy dinner only.   Felt lot of loves.   They nourished my holiday.

Today, slept in, my most favourite activity during holiday.  Then checked out job market on line.  Yes, still want to find a new job.  I know I am too old to find a new job.  I believe I might find one if I tried but it would never happen if I don’t!

Reading a book written by a Taiwanese at night.   The tile is something like “Just enjoy every day”.  All old stories and situations but written in a relaxing way.  Such as being single is not scary.  It’s a matter of choice.   Love will come when you know how to love yourself.  I got that book from a neighbour who I don’t know in person.  It makes me treasure it more.

I think my holiday started quite good.  The rest of it should be __________________

Let’s see.

 

saving a bottle

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Bang…… bang……bang……

I saw my water bottle slipped from your backpack side pocket, when you were turning around on the steep slope.

You chased it without hesitation.

No!  Leave it! I shouted without thinking.  Sawing the bottle running down.

You almost lost balance but kept chasing the bottle.

Stop!!!!! My heart was in my mouth.  Could you hear me?!

I shouted “Will, STOP!”  desperately.  Almost crying.

You stopped chasing finally before I fainted.

The bottle stopped near the cliff like teasing.

You didn’t listen to me, went slowly down and got the bottle.

Couldn’t you understand the bottle is nothing compare to your life?

I swear wouldn’t let you carry my bottle again.  And I swear wouldn’t go hiking with you if you risk your life.

I still feel bad and scared every time thinking about that.

Everyone no matter I know or not, please treasure your life and don’t act foolish.

fear attack

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Throw myself to bed, should be followed by sweet dreams.  Couldn’t feel my body weight, soul was floating away.  Everything turned to blurry.

Suddenly, age flew into my mind.  Just like a month to a flame.  I did some math to calculate my age.  Yes, I need to do so after 18……

Job, money, my life, they came into my mind without asking.  Wanted to have changes for a long time but a lost soul.  Helpless feeling woke and scared me.

Found tears running on my cheeks.

Tried hard to think about what I had instead and appreciated it.  But it didn’t help at that weak moment.

Couldn’t help but let tears run and dry, till too tired to sleep.

Goodbye

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Thanks Bear

Thanks Angel Deer

Thanks for coming here

Thanks for bringing my Grandma to a place without pain and sickness but joyful only

I know you guys will bring her somewhere far away, where I couldn’t reach now

But she and her loves are always in my heart.

Though I never ready to say goodbye but goodbye Grandma, take care till we meet again somewhere.

Hugs

Good morning

IMG_0712 2I am not a morning person but I enjoy the peace which only can be found in the morning.

Not noisy but birds singing with sound of waves on the background.

It’s a bit cool in the morning but the sun keeps you warm gently.

BUT

Do you know how much I want you to be around?

Do you know how much I want to share the special moment with you?

Suddenly attacked by loneliness

The sun is still shining, I can’t help but trembling

Need you to keep me warm.

Am I dreaming?