sex is only physical?

Just chatted with a married guy online.  He is an expat here.  His wife is living in Europe.  He argued sex with girls other than his wife is only physical.  There is no attachment, no commitments or loves but lust only.   A way to kick away loneliness.  And most girls feel ok about it.  Those girls can just leave without hurt….. 

What I think is sex with married guys are complicated, difficult to handle.  Easy to hurt others.  And those easy girls wouldn’t say ok for married guys to sleep with other girls if that’s her husband!  

Well, the married guy conclusion is most Chinese view is strange. Am I?  I was upset.  Why most guys forget the marriage vows?  

Do you think it’s ok for married guys to sleep with other girls?


42 thoughts on “sex is only physical?

  1. guys can have sex with another woman based on purely physical, no emotion attachments, which is like I’m eating rice all day and every single day, and when rice wasn’t available, I ate noodles, and it’s purely a need, a pure physical need.Where as for girls, in order for the girls wants to have sex with a man an emotion attachment is often needed (of course there’re girls who’s just like guys, only the physical and no emotion attachment, but I think that’s rare because of the way woman are made different then man).Anyway, that’s why woman think how could man have sex with another woman, because the woman cannot fully understand the men’s point of views in terms of this’s not the Chinese view are strange, it’s just man and woman look at things differently. All (well, if not all but most) men, whether white, black, or colored, would think no attachment sex is ok. Like what man said, there’s no cat who doesn’t eat fish.But I’m not saying the man are right in this case, the man are just purely finding excuses to make him sounds ok. As for the marriage vows, I think it’s not just man that forget marriage vows, the lady do that all the time as well, but in different areas that seems or look less damaging compare with the no attachment sex. 

  2. marriage and sex is supposed to signify two becoming if that part just starts going around breaking his half not only is he eventually going to hurt his self all who are involved including his wife. so no, its not right. and you have a right to feel upset.

  3. I’m learning that there is two camps as in viewpoints… and of course never having been married I can’t actually have an opinion… which camp #1 is the tactful rules of faceless lust which is easily summed up in the phrase “whatever happens in ……insert another town far enough away it doesn’t get back to him or her…..stays in ….insert whichever far enough away town that it doesn’t get back to him or her.”  and camp#2 self-denial for the sake of ethics.  camp#1 is obviously ethically wrong…but before passing judgement please understand a healthy practiced sex drive remains strong w unlike camp#2 the right camp which while right ultimately suppresses sex drive thus typically squashing it leading to not healthy sex but NO sex and thus oddly if”tack” of camp one is practiced and there are many opinions raging on what is or is not tactful, those who are getting it tend to get more and those who wait for ti to be right often find out it’s never right and lose out forever.  again no actual opinion but I’m of the lean towards camp #2 like a complete idiot of logic.

  4. hmmm…   ask him his wife number, to call her and ask if it is okay for her husband to have merely physical sex with other girls…    unless she answered “oh yes, that would be okay, that’s just physical, feel free to have sex with him”, i don’t see why i should ponder on the question..

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  6. It’s OK to have extra-marital sex. Some people have open marriages where they have sex with others. You should talk to BoulderChristina on here. She’s in an open marriage and it works very well for her and her husband. As far as the title, for me it is only physical. I don’t form emotional connections with people, so for me sex is only physical. There’s nothing emotional about it for me. And honestly, about having sex with others, it’s completely natural. Monogamy is NOT natural for humans. That’s all there is to it. 

  7. a friend of mine sked me this exact same question a few days ago.  apparently, her husband wants to be free to have many girlfriends while she stays loyal to him and no one else.  basically he is out tapping all he can but if she even talks to another guy he flips out on and says “i guess our marriage means nothing to you!”  i am a one woman guy, i may flirt a whole lote but if i am with you i am with you and only you.

  8. Not too long ago, I knew a married man with a baby and he propositioned me. We weren’t friends, but acquaintances. Imagine my surprise when he just blurted out he needed physical release and asked me if I was interested. I was taken aback by this because he always talked about how much he loved his wife and kid. He knew I was with my fiancé, but he didn’t care or in his words, he didn’t “mind” because I wasn’t married yet. I told him I felt sorry for his wife and child and that I was definitely not interested. For some reason, my gut tells me this isn’t the first time he’s propositioned married/unmarried women. He seemed unconcerned and acted as if this was a normal thing.

  9. I think every relationship is different and the rules and vows will greatly depend on the agreements a particular couple have made to each other…Thing is romance and sexuallity are always off, cuz we’ve gone far away from natural way of interaction (for primates) so each society and more so each relationship has to set their own grounds, those terms in which both feel comfortable and not abuse by any part…What I mean is, I wouldn’t mind if my partner would like to have sex with other women, but I’d be freaked out if he was to have sex with another man…I’d be okay with having an “extra” partner if it’s female on my side either but I wouldn’t be comfortable if my partner wanted to “share” me with another man …weird??? not really, when it comes to sex and/or love each relationship is free to set their own limits as long as it’s all withing consentual adults.

  10. Most men who are married do not forget their vows. Most men are capable of being monogamous if they want to be. Everyone has different values and ideas about things. This is the way I see things, he can do what he wants to do so long as he knows there are consequences. If they are in an open relationship, why should it matter how he feels about the other women he has sex with to anyone but the people involved in the relationships? If he is cheating, it shouldn’t matter to anyone except the people involved in the relationship. If you don’t want to cheat, don’t cheat.As far as my husband goes, I’d prefer it if he were honest about wanting to have sex with other people with the actual intent of fulfilling that desire. If he did it behind my back, I’d be pissed, not at him having sex with someone else, but at his dishonesty about it. I’m a big girl and I prefer open-relationships over monogamy.As far as sex goes, it is just physical for me. It is all lust. I have sex to get off and that is it.

  11. Many guys don’t forget their vows, you just happened to stumble on to a bad egg. It’s not statistically significantAnd of course being an adulterer or homewrecker is wrong. You didn’t even have to doubt yourself

  12. @starmanjones – hey, I think a couple should be honest to each others.  It’s fine if they both accept the “open relationship”.  But in most situation, that’s not the case.  The partner is being kept into dark.  That’s the problem.

  13. @MichellelyNg – lol alright i’ll opine already πŸ˜€  I personally think it’s horse crap to cheat on people.  I tell on myself for flirting wrong even.  I do attempt to be upstanding ethical and worthy.  I think it’s a horrible lie to not knw by explicit asking at a cognicent time that the other agrees to “our” type choices.  but as i said I’m not nor have been married so in the end I’m not really a grand canidate to ask. I have not whispers of opportunity that I know of.. I am liked though- that’s a plus.

  14. i may be a guy, but i do think ‘marriage’ is a serious thing.  i would not agree with his view.  i even stay away from getting involved with anyone who is married.  the possibility that i might wreck someone’s home and marriage is such a turn off.  it’s just not cool.  UNLESS, both partners are in an open relationship.  but that’s a different story all together.

  15. Hi dear how are you today,my name is joy and i would like to be your good friend if you don’t mind,please write me on (

  16. I think it depends on what type of relationship it is. If they’re into an open relationship, and they’re both okay with it, then that’s fine. But, doing stuff behind your partner’s back is no good. Personally, I like a traditional relationship better. The potential for various complications is there when you open up your relationship to other people. But, to each their own. As long as you’re respectful, honest, loving, and happy, I think that’s what is really important in a relationship.

  17. I would say it is only ok if BOTH parties have agreed BEFOREHAND that they are in an “open marriage” and it is ok for either of them to have other sexual partners. Otherwise, no, it’s not ok.

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